2sec shadow If u please

I would like to have an angel walk 2 seconds in front of me so he could make shut up just before I say something and make me think first.

I say something and 2 seconds later I regret it. And I say something I regret twice in one thousandth of half of a second.

Then,after I said it and regretted it, I feel perfectly stupid,dumb.

Why can’t I just stop and think before I say something?

Well,today I decided that was that. I was going to count to 10 when I wanted to say something and then if I still thought it would be fine to say it, I would allow myself .

I know, If you know me you probably don’t believe that I could actually do such a thing, but believe me, I really had quite a new years resolution today! (ignore the fact that it’s kind off late for new years resolutions)

 I felt quite self-disciplined.I am in general, you know. Why, I can resist to read instead of study for 5 minutes! Of course , after such a long time, I always feel like I really earned half an hour of reading.

And I do have to say, when I am vexed I have the patience to give a long sermon to the person who vexed me, which is really very charitable towards the other person, don’t you think?

It gives them the chance to repent,apologize,better their life, better existence itself!

Ah, immortal thoughts of the smart soul! How I smile upon thee with fondness.

Anyway, so here I go, quite positively enthusiastic, but halfway through the day I had not said several things that I did want to say but I waited so long to say them that by the time I had actually gone through the whole process of ‘editing’ them , it was to late and the conversation had gotten ahead of me…I was about 23 subjects behind.Why, they actually had the imprudence to be right in the middle of the 24th subject already,without me having had the chance to say a word.And the conversation would have been so much more edifying and interresting if I could have given my positive opinion on the matters,whatever they were. As it was,I am sure those who were participating in the coversation felt very unsatisfied a the end of it.And they wouldn’t have been if…

do tell me to shut up!

Needless to say, there went my beautiful resolution. It just up and flew away… I was very unloyal so I have the sensibility to forgive the poor thing.

Maybe next new year I will make another resolution.Although I usually don’t.Just out of pure niceness,you know.

Meanwhile, I might just talk less.

Or think more.

Or both.

Or…

Grow up?

But will I ever?

I think I’m quite hopeless, really.