One of my friends sent me this, and I really liked it…which is why I am posting it

A few days ago I was frustrated that I always seem to be saying the wrong kind of things at the wrong kind of times.I wondered ‘ how do you stop doing that…how do you just be a good Christian and not do such mayorly stupid things every other minute?’

But then I realized that God doesn’t expect me to be perfect and always say the right things, or do great big things… It’s just living for Him in daily life that He wants.He loves me, even though I have soooooooooooooooo many things to learn yet, and even though He would do a far better job at anything I do …He could be a far better witness, but He wants to use me…even though I am not perfect.
Sometimes it’s hard to go on after doing something stupid again…but that’s what God wants me to do, and He’ll be there and help…

And I really thought this sort of went along with some of  my speculations…which I liked…

Does it count?

Here I am to update my blog after which I will probably make resolutions to update it every week and then I’ll go and update it once a year, like I am doing now.

But at least I can make the resolutions just in case I do keep them.Imagine if I wouldn’t make the resolutions but would have kept them if I had made them.That is why I make them and then I can still decide not to keep them.

Might be a little to complicated for most people to understand.In fact, when I read this tomorrow I will probably not know what on earth I was talking about today.But now, I do know what I am talking about so I shall just shut up now and keep on going.

So I’ve been busy lately, just like I always am, and just like everybody always is. If you’ld go around asking people if they were not busy, I think most of them would say that they were busy.
So, If most people would say that, I geuss I should say it to , which I already did.
So I said I was busy.

I was busy , of course, with school.Because what else is a person who is in school supposed to keep busy with?

I had exams, placement, classes…and everything went well.Sometimes a little stressfull, usually a little more stressfull and occasionally very much more stressful. (I’m not sure if a person is supposed to spell stresful with 1 l or 2 ll’s.So I did both.Just to be sure)

Then I had one delightfull week of not being busy, and Celeste came from Ireland…and we had an absolute marvelous time. It went by like a hummingbird…or like a Really Fast Rabbit, or a Really Speedy Car.Something like that. And all at once it was over, and you feel the way you feel when a train whizzes by really fast and is gone before you know it and you aren’t even sure if it really went past or not.
But Celeste did come, I can prove it by the pictures we took and by the empty matrass that is still in my room…. ready for when she comes back

I always wish fun things could last. I wish for example, that that week of vacation could last, and that Celeste could stay here forever and ever and always and alwayziest!… Of course stuff like that never happens.And ussually, the more you want something to happen,the more it doesn’t happen.Well, not quite.And probably if I would write everything down that did happen when I wanted it to happen , it would be a whole lot.But now I’m just having fun whining, being sentimentel and pathetic, and feeling sorry for myself.

So as I was saying, fun things don’t last. And if I would tell someone that, that someone would probably say , in a very grownup way ‘but honey, if it did last, it wouldn’t be fun anymore’. Now that might very well be very true, but right now, that is not the way I feel and it doesn’t help any or make me feel better.

It’s like when you give a child a lollipop.The lollipop gets eaten..and after a while is eaten up and gone.So the child says ‘ I wish my lollipop could last forever.I want another one.’ The grownup then says ‘ But dear, If it would last forever, or if you could have another one, you teeth would get holes in them’

That is a very grownup way of thinking. It doesn’t help the child at that particular moment. The child wants a lollipop.Right then. Who cares what will happen later? That is later. Don’t worry about later, worry about now.Now, I want that lollipop.When my teeth get holes in them I’ll figure out some sollution, but right now I couldn’t care less!

(just to clarify myself : I am not making a point, I am just talking nonsense… actually I am thinking it or reasoning it with myself, and writing it down as it comes…as Mary Poppins would put it: ‘I would like to make one thing quite clear: … I never make a point’  or something like that…)

And so I shall end this very unsensible post because I have to go now. adieu farewell and that sort of thing….

School started again….and in October I’ll have to work in the hospital for a month again.

A real pleasure…

Just one thing I hate:

Coming in a room and opening my mouth. Now according to my grandmother,I am not always exactly ‘at loss at what to say’. But when I have to go into a patients room, my face freezes, my words get stuck somewhere far away at the other end of my brains…I feel like I don’t even have any brains,actually,at such a dramatic moment.

And what makes it ten or eleven times worse is when a nurse comes in the room with me and hears the silence…and in later times tells my teacher …

Really quite horrifying.
Now, it is not only not knowing what to say and being shy. It is frantically trying to sound natural and try to strike up a good little boring conversation while someone is listening who you know can give you the worst grades in history if they accidentally or not accidentally have a bad day.

So, I said to myself,says I, ‘I shall make up a nice ‘goodmorning speech’ and everything will be allright!’

Speech 1 : ‘Hi! Goodmorning! How did you sleep? Didn’t you have too many blankets? Was it too cold or too hot or right in the middle in between? …. *um*…. Mind if I take your temperature? ‘

Maybe that sounds like a waterfall that suddenly stops and ends in a little squirt out of a water balloon.

Speech 2.

‘Naomi,an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God,

To the saints who are in the hospital,and faithful in Christ Jesus.

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Goodmorning,may I take thine temperature?’

mmm…too heavy so early in the morning.And I might end up in the psychiatry.

Speech 3.

‘Goodmorning! Did you sleep well? Really? Well,that’s nice to hear. Because I slept terrible. The airplanes flying above the house kept me awake.A terrible shame.And then I had to be up so early.Sick,really.O,you feel terribly sick? Well, you’ll be ok.I feel sick too.Been sick for a week.Everyone at home is sick.Frightfull how people can’t keep it together anymore when they feel the least bit poorly.just lie down for a bit and you’ll feel ok.I’ve been working myself to death while sick and I’m still alive.Now, may I take your temperature?’

well…many words…but maybe a bit self-centered and negative?

last effort.

Speech 4:

‘Goodmorning! Did you sleep well? Good,glad to hear that! Isn’t it a lovely morning? They said it would be rainy but it looks fine !

Aw,cute picture , is that your daughter? (listen to a story of daughter dear)…’

Getting there!

All right, of to work !

Full of good resolutions I go into…

room #1:

‘morning!’      *freak outl!!!!!* she only speaks french!!…Silence…I give the thermometer to the lady without saying a word…and run out the room’

room #2

‘Morning!’ *…person is still fast asleep…should I go jump on her? … all right, the other bed then, that person is awake*

‘morning’ (person says ‘morning’ ) Did you have a good night? (yes) Good! Mind if  I take your temperature? I’ll be back in a few minutes (ok) ‘

*getting there…never mind that I know the nurse will tell me I should’ve said more*

Room #3

Ooooooooooh … here is a nice gentlemen up and about and reading his newspaper….love that. ..
‘Hello! Up already I see!’ (yes) It’s a nice day isn’t it? (yes,it is indeed) here, I’ve come to take your temperature’

Room #4

‘Good morning!’ (why where am I? Who are you? You stole my clothes,give them back now! Ah,someone broke into my house, it’s terrible, get me out of here, people , terrible, GET AWAY FROM ME!!)

….uh…OK… clearly a little crazy if I may say so….
And by this time, I am totally sick of trying to talk to people.

But I shall survive.

I suppose.

Maybe.

Probably?

Most likely.

Once upon a time, after a long long time, I blogged again.

It has been frightfully busy.
I just came back home from a month in Tennessee.

Before that , I had exams and we were busy moving. A few days before my exam and leaving to Tennessee, I helped  paint at our new house (in which we live by now…it’s totally great!) Here is a picture of a partially painted wall:

and a more painted wall, and a devoted little sister trying to help and slowing me down…but I was good enough to let her finish my sentence…ah , sweet myself…

Now the wall is finished…without any writing on it , of course. Well, it is still there, but it’s just hidden away.

What more can I say?

Well, maybe that a lot of people have lot’s of lovely things hidden away. You don’t see it at first,  because you don’t know them.Maybe hidden deep inside under a thick shell, or a mask to avoid being hurt.Or maybe just hidden beneath shyness.

I always think it is so hard to make the first move towards someone I don’t know or towards someone who is ‘unaproachable’.To just start to talk..But when I do, I am always glad I did.There is a whole person , (did I think there might be a half person or what?) maybe even a wonderfull friend, in that person  that at first is  a stranger.

Another thing that can be hidden on the inside can be a smile.But think of the people that you’ll cheer up by smiling! (forget the ones that look at you like you just killed them or the ones that stare straight ahead like you aren’t there and the ones that look at you blankly and the ones that look up at the clouds and say ‘tut tut, looks like rain’) ! And anyway, I always like to think that they were cheered up anyway, but just don’t want to show it. Like myself sometimes. When I am grumpy and someone asks me how I like their new shoes, I sometimes just LOVE to tell them how ugly their shoes are…while I actually do like them.well, maybe that example was a little exagerated.. not even I would be that bad…or would I ?

But  it is also nice to have things hidden inside for only a few people to see.Not for all the world to see.Just the people you love. Like hiding a Skittle in the middle of you ice cream.

…don’t know if that made sense, but Skittles are so yummy that I had to include the dear little things in this post:

And so, that was the end.

ANd I went to sleep happily ever after for I still have a Jetty lag!

 SLOW DANCE

Have you ever
watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to
the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a
butterfly’s erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading
night?

You better slow down.

Don’t dance so
fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t
last.

Do you run through each day

On the
fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the
reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your
bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through
your head?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so
fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t
last.

Ever told your child,

We’ll do it
tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see
his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good
friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call
and say,’Hi’

You’d better slow down.

Don’t dance
so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t
last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You
miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry
through your day,

It is like an unopened
gift….

Thrown away.

Life is not a
race.

Do take it slower

Hear the
music

Before the song is over.

I was making a pie yesterday and middle-way-through it seemed like it would be a total flop,a terrible disaster.And for me, that is quite a terrible thing to happen: I am always very touchy on the subject of … baking flops.When I bake something,I quite naturally want it to turn out like the pie , or the whatever-it-is-in-question, on the picture in the book.

I have the luck of having one of those moms that can do anything.When I get that sinking feeling,that uncomfortable suspicion that my pie is going to flop,I call my mom to the rescue.And most of the time she can save it.I don’t exactly know how she does it or what she does,although I always pay attention..she just kind of … saves my pie and thus consequently my day.

So yesterday I made a pie that didn’t turn out like I wanted it but everyone said it was good except that the bottom was a bit soggy (yes yes,I know it’s soggy,just eat it and be still) and I was quite content because I hadn’t even made mom rescue it…couldn’t, since she wasn’t home.

I afterwards made brownies that did turn out just the way I wanted them and since there isn’t a picture for that particular recipe, I had no doubt that they looked just like they would have looked on the picture if there had been one.

And that is just the way it is with God,too.If we make a mess of our lives,He can help us out.Yes,there will be consequences and all that,but He’s always there for us.

(yes,I am aware of the fact that the creations on the picture have hideous colors for food,and furthermore and also I am aware of the next fact, this one being…they are muffins and not brownies,but I thought it would be more encouraging then if I put a picture of the brownies on…. you might get depressed if your brownies don’t turn out as nice, which they most likely won’t,and if they would,you would get to proud.)

Here’s the brownie recipe…It is scrumptiously good,and truly scrumptious!

Chocolate Brownies

 ingredients:

40gr flour

60gr cocoa powder

400 sugar

120gr chopped pecan or walnuts

250 gr pure chocolate,chopped

250 gr butter,melted

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

4 eggs,lightly beaten

 preheat the oven to 180°c. Grease the baking pan (about 30 cm x 20 cm)and put a baking sheet in it.

Sift flour and cocoa in a bowl and add sugar,nuts if you like them,I never put them in,and chocolate of course! Stir and make a little hole in the middle.

Pour in butter,vanilla extract and eggs and stir everything very well.Pour in baking pan,smooth it over and put it in the oven for 50 min.

After you take it out,leave it to cool of for 2 hours.

Cut in squares,eat,and don’t eat to much!

(makes about 24 pieces)

I would like to have an angel walk 2 seconds in front of me so he could make shut up just before I say something and make me think first.

I say something and 2 seconds later I regret it. And I say something I regret twice in one thousandth of half of a second.

Then,after I said it and regretted it, I feel perfectly stupid,dumb.

Why can’t I just stop and think before I say something?

Well,today I decided that was that. I was going to count to 10 when I wanted to say something and then if I still thought it would be fine to say it, I would allow myself .

I know, If you know me you probably don’t believe that I could actually do such a thing, but believe me, I really had quite a new years resolution today! (ignore the fact that it’s kind off late for new years resolutions)

 I felt quite self-disciplined.I am in general, you know. Why, I can resist to read instead of study for 5 minutes! Of course , after such a long time, I always feel like I really earned half an hour of reading.

And I do have to say, when I am vexed I have the patience to give a long sermon to the person who vexed me, which is really very charitable towards the other person, don’t you think?

It gives them the chance to repent,apologize,better their life, better existence itself!

Ah, immortal thoughts of the smart soul! How I smile upon thee with fondness.

Anyway, so here I go, quite positively enthusiastic, but halfway through the day I had not said several things that I did want to say but I waited so long to say them that by the time I had actually gone through the whole process of ‘editing’ them , it was to late and the conversation had gotten ahead of me…I was about 23 subjects behind.Why, they actually had the imprudence to be right in the middle of the 24th subject already,without me having had the chance to say a word.And the conversation would have been so much more edifying and interresting if I could have given my positive opinion on the matters,whatever they were. As it was,I am sure those who were participating in the coversation felt very unsatisfied a the end of it.And they wouldn’t have been if…

do tell me to shut up!

Needless to say, there went my beautiful resolution. It just up and flew away… I was very unloyal so I have the sensibility to forgive the poor thing.

Maybe next new year I will make another resolution.Although I usually don’t.Just out of pure niceness,you know.

Meanwhile, I might just talk less.

Or think more.

Or both.

Or…

Grow up?

But will I ever?

I think I’m quite hopeless, really.

Tomorrow I have exams. Very right, what on earth am I doing , blogging the day before my exams?

I figure if I didn’t study enough by now, I never will have.

Yesterday I did study myself to death though, so don’t worry. Well, not to death, because I am still alive to tell you about it.

I sat in my bed, listened to Sugababes and Handel, also Chitty Chitty Bang Bang soundtrack, and more such things, and studied.

Then I decided  I needed a break and so I went for a bike ride. The weather was perfect; quite cold but not to cold, and no rain.

And after sitting inside all day it felt so good to be out in the cold.I biked to the bakery and got candy and fanta…like I told the sales lady ‘when one studies one doesn’t have to think about being healthy’ and she agreed with me so I felt quite justified.

I then went in the little road that passes right beside the bakery, I always want to take it but never actually do it, and it is so cute!

Just an adorable little road, when you go left it becomes even cuter,and , although it hardly seems possible , when you take a right after that…it’s just perfect. You pass a delightful old farm and that’s the last house on the little darling road. I know, by now it is a different road and a different name but never mind (in Belgium usually don’t look at road names..they always disappoint me.They are always fearfully everydayish.)

Anyway, when you go past that last farmhouse, there is a tunnel ,and I stood looking at it, deciding if I would dare go through or not. On the other side, the road went on , a little darker because the fields on either side of it are higher, and there are trees bending over it, but behind that I could see the sun shining.

I went through (expecting to be kidnapped any moment,it felt so frightfully far away from the civilized world,so lonely)

And came out and gosh how pretty!!! To my right there were fields and houses far away, trees, church towers, clouds in the sky, cows in the fields…and right in front of me the little road kept going on and on…and to my left there was…the highway.

And therefore realized I was still in Belgium, and biked back home, (flying through the tunnel)scowling at every Belgian I met.

Today I worked and did not study…

And now I am going to watch a movie to soothe my troubled spirits.

*note: I did not get kidnapped when I went back through the tunnel and arrived back home safely*

This is such a wooooooonderfull lovely beautifull song, and he has a perfect voice, which makes me come to this conclusion: you just have to watch it!